i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
