he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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