i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
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My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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