I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
