literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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