This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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