Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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