you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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