Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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