Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
