Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
