Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Randomize
