help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
