How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
