**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
