All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
