It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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