omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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