life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
