Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
