things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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