You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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