Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize
