so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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