Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
