Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
