Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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