Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
