I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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