My friends, they love my intelligence
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
