You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
