Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
