Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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