and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
