I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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