matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My vagina is very pro this idea
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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