So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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