I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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