i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
