I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
