I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
