It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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