So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
