She's JV to your varsity
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
