The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
