he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
