doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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