whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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