started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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