I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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