I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he shaved USA in his pubs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
