No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
