Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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