im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
