She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
