Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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