I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she peed on how many people?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
FUCK WHALES
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