Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
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she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
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That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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