nut hugger
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
