I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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