when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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