evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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