i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
