No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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