the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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