she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
