He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
