Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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