i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
