In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
